Gracie’s Christmas Carol

Gracie: Once upon a time on a beautiful Christmas morning, Scrooge and Bob Crachet and Tiny Tim went for a walk in the woods while their breakfast was cooling.

While they were gone a dear little girl came and knocked on the door. And naturally nobody answered so she went inside to see who it was.

George: Gracie, that’s not the way I heard it.

Gracie: Who told it to you?

George: My mother.

Gracie: Oh, well this is by Dickens.

George: But this is another story….

Gracie: So this little girl saw that her breakfast was cooling so she decided to taste it. She tried the first bowl and it was too hot and she tried the second bowl and it was too cold and she tried the third bowl and it was just right and she ate it all up.

George: That was Goldilocks.

Gracie: No. It was porrige.

Well, anyway, this poor little girl had two rich step-sisters. And along came Prince Charming with a glass slipper. So she tried it on the first step-sister and it was too hot, and she tried it on the second step sister and it was too cold and he tried it on the poor little girl and it just fit. She married him and guess who got all the money.

George: Walt Disney.

Gracie: You’re confusing the children….

Dance Gimmick

Our act ended with a typical boy-girl song, which led into the both of us dancing together. During this dance we used a gimmick which I think I originated. It’s been used many times over the years–in fact, it’s still being used and it still works. Gracie and I would dance together, and four times during the number I would stop the music–we would tell a joke–and then continue dancing. It went like this:

[George and Gracie go into a dance]

George: Stop!

[music stops]

Gracie, how is your cousin?

Gracie: You mean the one who died?

George’s Personality

George: Carol, you’re a delight to work with because you are a great artist.

Carol Channing: Thank you, George. And it’s a thrill to work with you because you’ve always been my idol. I’ve watched you work for years, and you’ve really got it.

George: I’ve got it?

Carol: Oh, yes.

George: I hope that’s a compliment.

Carol: Oh, it is. You know, to be a star some people have to be great singers, or great dancers, or great comedians, or great actors, but you made it without any of that.

George: But I got it.

A Turkey for Christmas

Gracie: Well, you see one Christmas my father caught a wild turkey and he fed him corn and chestnuts. But then we didn’t have the heart to kill him so we let him get away.

George: Oh, I see.

Gracie: But the turkey liked the food so well that he came back each year. And that way we always had…

George: A turkey for Christmas dinner?

Gracie: Yes.

Fill-Up

Fred Astaire: Good old Totley castle.

Gracie: Isn’t it beautiful? It’s almost pretty enough to be a filling station

George: Filling station? This castle is more than 300 years old.

Fred: Oliver Cromwell went through here in 1648.

Gracie: Well that was good time in those days.

Fred: I mean he went through the castle, Gracie.

Gracie: Couldn’t stop the car, huh?

George and Fred: No! Couldn’t stop the car!