Gracie Explains the News

Bill Goodwin (announcer): It’s morning in the Burns’ home and Gracie, the house wife, has cleared away the breakfast dishes. Now Gracie, the newspaper columnist, is ready to clear away the problems of the world.

Gracie: My the paper is full of news this morning. I hardly know which item to explain to the readers of my column.

George: You explain the news to them?

Gracie: Oh, yes. Everyone doesn’t have my uncanny grasp of world affairs. I’m not the average person, George.

George: That I’ve known for years.

Political Party Identification

Gracie: Frank, I just sent a telegram to my campaign chairman in the Middle West.

Frank: Oh, good.

Gracie: He told me he couldn’t get any support from the farm belt.

George: So what?

Gracie: So I told him to wear suspenders.

The Surprise Party Mascot

Gracie: Wait until you see the picture I had taken.
 

George: I’m not interested in any picture.  We’re here to do a broadcast.

Gracie: You know, the Democrats have a donkey and the Republicans have an elephant.

George: What have you got: squirrel?

Qualities of a Good President

George: Gracie, have you any idea what a person has to be before they become president?
 

Gracie: Sure, they’re elected.

George: The whole thing is absurd.

Gracie: Oh, stop worrying, George.  I may not even be elected until next November.

Gracie’s First Press Conference

[In 1940 Gracie actually became a candidate for President of the United States.  During the year the Burns and Allen Show featured several comdey routines on their radio show.  Below is a transcript of one of these segments:]

Reporter: Miss Allen, my readers want to know what your platform is.

Gracie: Well, it’s knotty pine trimmed with oak and inlaid with California redwood.