Visit from the Tax Assessor

May 26, 2009


Tax Assessor: Good afternoon, madam.  My name is Mr. Sweeney.  I’m from the tax assessor’s office and I’ve come to appraise your furniture.

Gracie: Oh, do I have to bring it out or can you come in an look at it?

Sweeney: I usually go in an look at it.

Gracie: Oh, good.  Come right in.

Sweeney: Thank you.

Gracie: And put your hat right here in the hall.

Sweeney: It’s a very nice house you have here.

Gracie: Thank you.

Sweeney: Are you Mrs. Burns?

Gracie: Yes, Mr. Burns is much taller.

Sweeney: My, that coffee smells good.

Gracie: Oh, would you like a cup?

Sweeney: I’d love it.

Gracie: Oh, alright.  Oh, please excuse the looks of the house.  It’s hard to keep it straight.

Sweeney: Children do have a way of messing up a house, alright.

Gracie: Oh, we have no children.

Sweeney: Oh, excuse me.  I suppose you have a cat or a dog.

Gracie: No, if we were going to have anything we would have children.

Sweeney: I wonder if I heard right.  This won’t take long, Mrs. Burns.  I brought your last year’s tax with me.

Gracie: Oh, good.  We could certainly use it, in times like these when prices are so high.

Sweeney: Um, you don’t understand.

Gracie: Oh, yes I do.  I was just saying to my husband this morning: “If they don’t do something to cut down the high cost of living, we’ll just have to get along without it.”

Sweeney: Mrs. Burns, you’re having fun with me.

Gracie: Not unless my husband goes along.

Sweeney: I didn’t mean that I brought your tax money with me.

Gracie: Well, what did you do with it?

Sweeney: I didn’t do anything with it.  The county has it; they need it because they have a two million dollar deficit.

Gracie: Oh, well, let them just get a cheaper one.

Sweeney: I think I’ll be going.  Mrs. Burns, I’ve interviewed a lot of women in my time, but never one like you.

Gracie: Aw.

Sweeney: I still think you’re having fun with me.

Gracie: And I still say not unless my husband comes along.

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