Visit from the Tax AssessorMay 26, 2009
Tax Assessor: Good afternoon, madam. My name is Mr. Sweeney. I’m from the tax assessor’s office and I’ve come to appraise your furniture.
Gracie: Oh, do I have to bring it out or can you come in an look at it?
Sweeney: I usually go in an look at it.
Gracie: Oh, good. Come right in.
Sweeney: Thank you.
Gracie: And put your hat right here in the hall.
Sweeney: It’s a very nice house you have here.
Gracie: Thank you.
Sweeney: Are you Mrs. Burns?
Gracie: Yes, Mr. Burns is much taller.
Sweeney: My, that coffee smells good.
Gracie: Oh, would you like a cup?
Sweeney: I’d love it.
Gracie: Oh, alright. Oh, please excuse the looks of the house. It’s hard to keep it straight.
Sweeney: Children do have a way of messing up a house, alright.
Gracie: Oh, we have no children.
Sweeney: Oh, excuse me. I suppose you have a cat or a dog.
Gracie: No, if we were going to have anything we would have children.
Sweeney: I wonder if I heard right. This won’t take long, Mrs. Burns. I brought your last year’s tax with me.
Gracie: Oh, good. We could certainly use it, in times like these when prices are so high.
Sweeney: Um, you don’t understand.
Gracie: Oh, yes I do. I was just saying to my husband this morning: “If they don’t do something to cut down the high cost of living, we’ll just have to get along without it.”
Sweeney: Mrs. Burns, you’re having fun with me.
Gracie: Not unless my husband goes along.
Sweeney: I didn’t mean that I brought your tax money with me.
Gracie: Well, what did you do with it?
Sweeney: I didn’t do anything with it. The county has it; they need it because they have a two million dollar deficit.
Gracie: Oh, well, let them just get a cheaper one.
Sweeney: I think I’ll be going. Mrs. Burns, I’ve interviewed a lot of women in my time, but never one like you.
Sweeney: I still think you’re having fun with me.
Gracie: And I still say not unless my husband comes along.