School Entrance Interview

July 2, 2009

[Scene: Gracie has invited the principal of the neighborhood school, Mr Douglas, to her home to interview him about the quality of the school to see if it will be good for her friend’s children.  The scene begins with the arrival of the principal who Gracie expected to be the actor Kirk Douglas.]

Gracie: [walking around Mr. Douglas in shock] Kirk, what have they done to you?

Mr. Douglas: I beg your pardon?

Gracie: Are you sure you’re Kirk Douglas?

Mr. Douglas: Kirk Douglas? Goodness, no. I’m Mortimer Douglas. Mrs. Burns, are you having fun with me?

Gracie: Not as much as I would have if you were Kirk. Sit down anyway and I’ll take your hat. So, Mr. Douglas, if you can convince me that you have a good school I may have 3 customers for you.

Mr. Douglas: Customers?

Gracie: Well, yes, the three Kelly sisters. They are going to move down here from San Francisco….

Mr. Douglas: Well, I’m sure we’ll have no problem ’cause our system here is the same as San Francisco. We may grade a little differently.

Gracie: What?

Mr. Douglas: Grade. Here it’s A-B-C-D-F.

Gracie: Oh, it is different from San Francisco. There it’s G-R-A-D-E.

Mr. Douglas: Why don’t you have them come over with their mother. [rises from his seat to leave.]

Gracie: Oh, that chair isn’t comfortable? Well, sit in this one [Gracie gets up from her seat and offers it to Mr. Douglas.] That’ll be much better. Sit right down there. [They switch seats.] Well, continue.

Mr. Douglas: Now, where were we?

Gracie: Well, you were sitting here and I was sitting there.

Mr. Douglas: I mean what were we talking about?

Gracie: Oh, spelling. And by the way, you have to help the oldest Kelly girl with her spelling.

Mr. Douglas: Oh, I’m sure we can help her.

Gracie: Can you help her with geography?

Mr. Douglas: Oh, yes.

Gracie: Oh, good. She’s never been able to spell it.

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