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Making the Deal

August 5, 2009

Scene from College Swing: Gracie plays “Gracie Alden” is a descendant of the founder of Alden College.  For generations the Alden women have attempted to graduate from college and failed.  Whenever an Alden woman does graduate, she will inherit the college along all the financial prestige it carries.  Bob Hope plays “Budd” who is on staff at the college and has a stake in seeing Gracie take over the college.

Budd: Students come and students go, but the Aldens go on forever.

Gracie: Hello, Budd.

Budd: I bet among the many pages of these dusty volumes you’re finding many a nut to crack.

Gracie: You said it, and some of them won’t even crack.

Budd: Don’t worry, Gracie. The main nut is cracked. Look, fun is fun, but I came here on business. You never sign our contract.

Gracie: How do you know I didn’t sign it?

Budd: How do I know? There’s no signature on it.

Gracie: If there’s no signature on it how do you know I didn’t sign it. Maybe someone else didn’t sign it.

Budd: Look, Gracie, I have to have this contract signed to show my good faith.

Gracie: Oh, that’s alright, Bud. I take your word for it.

Budd: Yeah, but will the Guaranteed Trust Fund will take my word for it… NO!

Gracie: Oh.

Budd: So just be a good girl and sign it right there.

Gracie: I don’t believe in signing things that I didn’t write. Now if you want me to write you a little poem I would be glad to sign it.

Budd: Yeah, thanks but this is a contract. So let me explain it to you. For the sum of 10,000 dollars I garantee to tutor you so you will positively graduate.

Gracie: Oh, don’t be silly, Bud. If you are going to give me 10,000 dollars I wouldn’t care whether I would graduate or not.

Budd: Yeah, but I’m not suppose to give you 10,000 dollars. You’re supposed to give me 10,000 dollars.

Gracie: Oh, that’d make it a 20,000 dollar deal.

Budd: Yes, I knew you’d understand…. Now when the college and the money become your property, this stipulates that you will hire me as your manager and adviser at a salary of 25,000 dollars a year, plus the usual perquisites.

Gracie: Plus the usual perquisites? Now don’t change the subject are you signing this contract or am I signing this contract.

Budd: You are.

Gracie: Oh, then don’t act like I am.

Budd: Alright, Gracie, have it your way. Here’s a pen to sign it.

Gracie: Oh, wait a minute. Will this be legal if I sign it with your pen?

Budd: Can you keep a secret?

Gracie: A secret? Oh, sure!

Budd: SHHH!! It’s not really my pen.

Gracie: Oh, that makes it better.

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