Posts Tagged ‘Surprise Party’

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How to Become President: Chapter 11

April 1, 2010

WHERE TO SPEND ELECTION NIGHT

DEAR DIARY!

I am so thrilled. For tomorrow is the big day, the day he is to give me my answer. Sam–soon perhaps to be Uncle Sam.

My heart beats just as it did the night after I first told George of my love and I was waiting to speak to his father. Ah, me. What will Sammy say? And will tomorrow be the Day of Gracie?

If only I could have my loved ones about me to witness my triumph. But my brother, so impetuous, is already busy making stamps, and George is going to make his hole in one, on account of the club bar will be closed all day and he won’t have to treat. And daddy is still serving his third term.

But at least, even if I don’t win tomorrow, it makes me so happy to know that daddy is well provided for at last, now that he’s given up trying to invent that unbreakable glass for firealarm boxes and has found something steady. Alcatraz is just another home from home for him now.

“Hello, Warden,” my daddy always says. “Any mail waiting for me?”

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How to Become President: Chapter 10

March 1, 2010

FIVE GOOD GAMES TO PLAY AT A CONVENTION

A LOT of water has flowed under the TVA since the old days when Alabama used to cast her 32 votes for Oscar Underwood, but us oldsters remember them well. Why, we even remember the Republicians. It used to be in those days that you couldn’t hold election without them.

But if I’m anything, I’m a modern, if I’m anything, and I believe that conventions should be streamlined. Streamlining is the process of reducing wind-resistance, if you know what I mean, but that isn’t everything. The boys in the back room (ask them what they’ll have, George) must go, on account of it’s time we gave the game back to the delegates.

Then the delegates can give it to me.

Under the present system, too many ballots are taken. You’d think that paper didn’t cost anything. But I will fix that, and I will now tell you how.

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How to Become President: Chapter 7

December 1, 2009

BUYING A GOOD USED PLATFORM

A PLATFORM is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.

Too many candidates neglect their platforms, and what happens? Why, just about the time Kate Smith stands up to sing, the whole thing collapses.

But on the other hand, you don’t want to spend too much time on it. I’m having my platform run up by a movie set designer, so it will be very impressive from the front, but not too premanent. After all, there’s no sense putting a lot of time and thought into something you’ll have no use for after you’re elected.

And now without further ado I will give you a confidential peek at the Surprise Party platform, a document fo such insignificance that furture historians may well call it the Magna Carta of the Misdeal. The ideas came to me in a dream.

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How to Become President: Chapter 5

October 1, 2009

ISSUES AND HOW TO PICK THEM

EDITOR’S NOTE. We here reproduce the expurgated version of Miss Allen’s famous keyhole speech, in which she laid down the gauntlet to the major parties and defied them to pick it up without stooping. The complete version, including the juicy parts and printed on the best issue-paper, appears in the Congressional Record-Express, on sale by your local Congressman.

The speech follows.

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The Surprise Party Mascot

July 25, 2009

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Gracie: Wait until you see the picture I had taken.
 

George: I’m not interested in any picture.  We’re here to do a broadcast.

Gracie: You know, the Democrats have a donkey and the Republicans have an elephant.

George: What have you got: squirrel?

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The Surprise Party Platform

May 16, 2009

Highlights from the Surprise Party Platform

Congress Must Go! The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.  Put Congress on a commission basis — if they do a good job, they get 10 percent of the extra take.

Extend Civil Service to All Branches of Government — a little politeness goes a long way!

End Secrecy in Foreign Affairs — if Charles Boyer is going around with Greta Garbo, the people are entitled to know about it.

Take the Fizz Out of Fiscal! Put our money in a safe bank — at 2 percent it’s a good investment, so let’s put it in three banks and get 6 percent!  Learning to balance the budget would be a waste of time, on account of where would a juggling act get booking today after what George Burns did in vaudeville?

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NPR Remembers Gracie’s Presidential Run

April 25, 2009

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

In 1940, the United States was just emerging from the shadow of the Great Depression and war loomed in Europe.

Into these serious times stepped Gracie Allen, part of the popular comic duo Burns and Allen, who launched a campaign for president.

Allen’s Surprise Party began as a publicity stunt, but during a whistle-stop tour across the country the campaign took on a life of its own.

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