Posts Tagged ‘“Vote for Gracie”’

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How to Become President: Chapter 4

September 1, 2009

HOW TO ATTRACT ATTENTION AND BE DRAFTED

YOU remember me. I’m Gracie Allen. I’m the candidate who forgot to take off her hat before she threw it in the ring.

Furthermore, I’m the only candidate who got the idea of running myself. All the others had to have somebody else think it up for them, or anyway they say the only reason they’re running is because their many friends kept after them and after them until they finally gave in.

Personally, I think they just wanted to be coaxed.

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Political Party Identification

July 27, 2009

Gracie: Frank, I just sent a telegram to my campaign chairman in the Middle West.

Frank: Oh, good.

Gracie: He told me he couldn’t get any support from the farm belt.

George: So what?

Gracie: So I told him to wear suspenders.

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The Surprise Party Mascot

July 25, 2009

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Gracie: Wait until you see the picture I had taken.
 

George: I’m not interested in any picture.  We’re here to do a broadcast.

Gracie: You know, the Democrats have a donkey and the Republicans have an elephant.

George: What have you got: squirrel?

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Hats Off

July 4, 2009

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Gracie tosses her hat into the ring as she announces her candidacy for President of the United States in 1940.

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Gracie’s First Press Conference

June 10, 2009

[In 1940 Gracie actually became a candidate for President of the United States.  During the year the Burns and Allen Show featured several comdey routines on their radio show.  Below is a transcript of one of these segments:]

Reporter: Miss Allen, my readers want to know what your platform is.

Gracie: Well, it’s knotty pine trimmed with oak and inlaid with California redwood.

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How to Become President: Chapter 1

June 1, 2009

GOVERNMENT JOBS PAY BIG MONEY

STOOGENTS!

Draw up a polling booth.

Or better still, sit on my lap. There, isn’t that nicer? If anybody objects we’ll tell them it’s just Progressive Education. And now, unless you think of a better idea, I will tell you how to become President long after Mr. Roosevelt is forgotten. Not before.

Who am I to talk? That’s a fair question, and one which deserves a better answer than I can give you. But after all, you know, Frank Kent says, “The Democratic Party has no suitable candidate.” Walter Lippmann says, “The Republican Party has no suitable candidate.” Dewey, McNutt, Taft, Garner, Vandenberg, Farley and Norman Thomas all say, “Nuts,” which of course nominates me by acclamation.

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Gracie Announces Her Candidacy

May 23, 2009

George: Coming down to the studio tonight I saw a big banner that said “Vote for Gracie.”

Gracie: Yeah, I know.

George: All over town I see billboards saying, “Put Gracie in the White House.”

Gracie: Uh-huh.

George: It’s in the news reels.  It’s in the papers…signs right here on the street saying, “Send Gracie to Washington.”  What does this mean?

Gracie: Well, George, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I’m running for President.

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