To All Other Presidential Candidates

To all other presidential candidates; of the United States of America.

Gentlemen?

Well, boys, the jig is up. Election Day will be in November this year. Turkies will cost you 38 cents a pound cranberries will be 50 cents a bucket. Plum puddings will be 2 dollars each. But for my good friends it won’t cost a nickel so go out and vote for me.

Gracie, you are asking all the other presidential candidates to vote for you?

Sure, there are so many that even if I get half of them to vote for me I’m bound to be elected.

I see what you mean.

This letter is being dictated by a lady, typewritten by a lady so don’t forget to take your hats off while you’re reading it.

Gracie Allen
President of the United States

Gracie, you’re not president yet.

Well, I will be by the time this letter is delivered.

Make 50,000 copies and mail one to each candidate. Address the letters in girlish handwriting and send it to their homes. I want their wives to read it too.

Comic Portrait

Dreaming on a Train

[Scene: George has reluctantly taken Gracie as his wife.  They are on a train from New York to Los Angeles and at night they are sleeping separately.]

Gracie: Oh, you know something: the more telegraph poles I count, the less I know what to do with them. Why is that?

George: Humph.

Gracie: Georgie Porgie, I couldn’t sleep last night; I had the strangest dream.

George: You had a dream and yet you couldn’t sleep.

Gracie: Well, sure, a daydream.

George: I see… last night you had a daydream.

Gracie: In the upper birth… I was so lonesome up there, and there weren’t any sheep to count.

George: The train stops in Wyoming to pick up sheep.

Gracie: Oh, goodie, then I won’t be lonesome tonight.

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A Funny Thing…

Gracie: A funny thing happened to my mother in Cleveland.

George: I thought you were born in Buffalo.